Have you ever put something in your mouth and tasted shame? Tasted guilt? Tasted fear? Heard a swarm of angry voices reprimanding you. The feelings pull at you, beckoning you in. They feel like a dark cave. I could get lost in those voices. You can get lost in that cave.
I feel myself slipping backwards. Like I’m being pulled out of my own body. I grip my chair tightly, white knuckles blossom across my hands. I feel like i’m in a game of tug of war where I’m the rope.
It’s an all-or-nothing game. The only way I win is if everyone puts down the rope, and backs away.
So I sit in my own darkness, waiting for the storm to pass so I can resurface and start my day.