This is my new home, for the next three and a half years that is. It didn’t feel like home before but now I think it’s starting to grow on me.
I can’t go back there, not for a long time anyway. Winter break was so draining, I’m not sure i’ll survive summer back there. Although, I would like to take a train home- see the country from the window- then maybe organize all of my stuff, keep the personal stuff, get rid of the rest.
I think that being back made me realize how much pain that place holds. I spent so much time crying I could have taken a bath in my tears. Old memories, feelings, thoughts. Some that I can’t even remember. My body knows. My heart knows. I think that my soul knows what it wants but it’s so buried under the mess of my fears and doubts that I can’t find it.
Anyway, I’m so glad to be here. A huge weight has been lifted and I can finally take in the world around me instead of hiding from it.