I’m mad at myself, but it’s easier to take it out on the world. So I’m giving everyone the silent treatment. I’m just going to climb inside my head and seethe.
I am falling. Falling into a black hole. This disorder is consuming me.
My grades are suffering. I’ve resorted to behaviors again. And to top it all off my childhood dog passed away last night. All I want to do is climb. Climb and read books.
School has taken a back seat in my life.
I feel so out of it. Just numb. I don’t care anymore. I’ve fought for the past month and now I’m tired and I need to rest.
This morning I woke up and put my laundry in. At least I won’t be wallowing in my own filth. At least I know that I can do one thing right.
I don’t have the right words to describe how I feel right now. This disease is taking over my brain and poisoning the scrap of logic I had left.
I hate it when people forget about me. Having a schedule keeps my life moving forward. When someone forgets I lose momentum. I think I rely too much on people. I’m just too fucking depressed for a friday.
I’m sinking into a depression.
Nobody is there to throw me a lifesaver. Nobody knows I’m drowning.
I can’t work. I can’t move. I can’t cry.
I’m trying to tread water, but the longer I do it the harder it gets. I’m tired. I want to give up. But I know that if I stop swimming I’ll sink, and if I do this time I might not resurface.